How I stopped dieting and lost weight:

a picture of myself at 13.
I remember thinking I was the size of
an overly obsese woman. 

I started loving myself.

When maddie was born, I had a lot of fears, but one of the worst ones I had involved her experiencing the same kind of body-loathing that I went through in my youth. The kind of body-loathing that I think is becoming so prevalent today.

(50% of girls will attempt dieting before they turn eight!)

When I was a kid, I was taller than everyone in the school. By the time I was 12, I was already 5'8", and ahead of everyone. I remember thinking that I was just so incredibly fat. It wasn't until college really that I started accepting my body, but I never really developed a healthy relationship with food.

When maddie was born, I went through another period of self-loathing. Your body just changes so much during a pregnancy, and I started to just feel so uncomfortable in this body I didn't even recognize anymore.
I started trying to lose weight by diet and excercise, but I found myself only becoming more hyper-critical and gaining even more weight.
so I took a step back and gave up.

Until Maddie started eating solid food. She would only eat whatever she saw me eating. I realized at this point that it was time for me to change and have the kind of diet I would want her to have.
So, I became a vegan. (temporarily.) Babies are only allowed to eat fruits and vegetables at first, so that's all I ate. Lots and lots of produce.
I cut out all processed food, I stopped eating meat and dairy, and I learned to really love fruits and vegetables again. And something clicked in my brain - I learned to start craving the foods that make my body feel good. I learned to eat for sustenance. period.
And then I started to really enjoy my food in a way I never knew how to before.

Long story short, without even really trying, I have lost about 40 pounds - granted, a lot of that was regular pregnancy weight, but I lost two pant sizes, and I am actually currently wearing jeans I wore in high school!

Where am I at now? I eat mostly vegan, but only by choice. I eat what makes my body feel good. I never worry about limiting myself when I go out to eat, but I also never feel limited when I'm at home either.
Mainly, I'm not longer in a losing battle with my body and the food I eat. They have become my allies, not my enemies.

I don't think I'll ever really be "perfect", but I am learning how to accept my perfect humanness.

Looking back on how big my tummy was, it only makes sense that it would take some time and healthy eating to get back where I used to be.

my "after" shot.

Internation Women's day!!!

International Women's day is this Friday  and I just so happen to work that day, so I'm trying to come up with an idea for a cool therapeutic activity to do with the girls at my nursery to celebrate them and the strong women they have in their lives.
So far I'm thinking of having them draw a picture about what they like about their mom and what they like about themselves.

Any ideas? Let me know!

PS - wanting a great activity to celebrate on Friday? "Half the Sky", a BRILLIANT PBS documentary just came out on Netflix. Go watch it!

Let Women Pray.

Have I mentioned that in the past few months I became a MoFemme Activist? Cuz I did. And it was exhausting amazing.

Check out a few articles I was quoted in, USA Today, the Associated Press, the Herald Journal, and several others.

And also, a podcast I was on here.

 But more importantly, here is the facebook page that we created, with all of the actual information with what we were about, and what we asked
earnestly for.

I regret only posting this now, after the event is over. I waited partly because the event has taken a lot of my free time away from me. The other part I waited to post this is because I was afraid. I know that all of you, my amazing friends accept me as a Mormon feminist, but I know how much change scares people, and I didn't want any of you to see me differently. I shouldn't have ever felt scared about sharing something so near and dear to me, and for that, I really apologize - apologize to myself. Because if there is one thing that I have learned through this, it's that I need to be more honest with who I am, who I have always been.

And so finally, here is the letter I wrote. It's personal. It gives a lot of insight into who I am, and how I came to be the person I am. I'm grateful for all of it because I sincerely like who I'm becoming.

_____________________________________________________________________________

February 22^nd, 2013
Dearest Linda K. Burton, Elaine S. Dalton, Rosemary M. Wixom, Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, Elder David F. Evans, and Elder Anthony D. Perkins,

I’m writing to you as Amber Whiteley, one of the main organizers for the organization “Let Women Pray”, who has spent countless hours and sleepless nights working on this, something that I care so passionately about.

But, I’m not just writing to you as the organizer of this event; I’m writing to you as a convert to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I started investigating when I was 14 when I prayed to God, and said “God, I don’t know if you exist, but if you do, will you tell me what church is your church?” A few weeks later the missionaries knocked on my door. I was so impressed with missionaries who supported and encouraged my tough questions, who taught me the plan of salvation, and who even remained my life-long friends, forever having changed my life.

I’m not just an organizer and a convert. I’m writing to you as a wife to an amazing husband. He has been my greatest support in life. He has also put in countless hours supporting me in so many things, including “Let Women Pray”. He has lived through the discrimination I faced at BYU when others openly condemned me for wanting to continue to pursue my education even after having been married. He mourned with me when my relief society president told me that she worried for my children and the type of mother and wife I was going to be. Throughout all that, he has assured me of my value and worth as a woman, and he has pushed me to reach all of my dreams.

I’m not just an organizer, a convert, and a wife. I’m a mother to an amazing daughter, who just turned one this week. I have really done this for her. She has changed me into the woman I wanted to be. When giving birth to Madison, I had some complications that risked my life. The doctors told me to take a minute to be with my husband and daughter to say our goodbyes. I felt an overwhelming sense of peace that day, and truly felt Heavenly Father’s presence in my life.
I vowed to stop taking life for granted, and really become the woman I knew I could be, the woman I know Heavenly Father wants me to be. 

I’m an activist, a convert, a wife, a mother, and a faithful member. I hope you know that the intent behind this movement was one of peace, and real concern. As a convert, I have always had a zeal for asking hard questions, and today I am writing to ask, why is it that women do not pray in general conference meetings? As a wife, I strongly believe that my equal partnership with my husband is one of our greatest strengths in our marriage. As a mother, I do not want my daughter to grow up ever thinking that her prayers are less important. This is a topic that pains me. I know that I have just as strong a relationship with my Heavenly Father as any man does, but I know that seeing a woman praying on behalf of millions gathered together for General Conference would be so powerful.

I’m an organizer, a wife, a mother, and a faithful member with an honest, heart-felt plea.

With love and great admiration,

Amber Whiteley,
Saint Louis, MO

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